some girls just can’t let it go…
Have you ever come across a time in life where you’ve become such good friends with someone that it doesn’t matter who else likes you as long as they do? But as soon as you two start to drift apart it really hurts when you know there are other people linked in with that person who hate you, and you don’t really understand why?
You see, in my life I’ve made friends with a huge variety of people. I’m friends with people that I wouldn’t have thought it possible to be friends with; girls if I’d just seen out and about I wouldn’t have wanted anything to do with them, but then when I start talking to them and realise they can actually be nice people, it makes me wonder why are we so judgemental?
I have this friend that I got pretty close to for a while, and you know – I called him my best friend but I don’t think we ever really were. Just good friends. I did have ‘more than just friends’ feelings for him and honestly, I believed he felt it too. But you see life is complicated. There are always other people in the way. And he had a girl that he’d been with before; but he realised he didn’t always want her, even though she was pretty much in love with him. She always seemed a little jealous of me but never confronted me in person. She didn’t even speak to me online; she’d send her little hate messages to me through her friends that actually liked me.
I realised over the holidays that no matter how many times my friend told me he loved me or that he wanted to be with me or that he missed me didn’t really matter. It’s not like we’d be together? Especially if the girl had something to do about it. I told him I was over him and I guess he’s happy with her but really. Sometimes when you care about someone so much you just have to learn to let them go. And that’s what I’ve done. That’s what I’m doing.
At least this is what I tell myself.
Because the truth is, no matter how hard or how evilly she stares at me, how much she really hates me and manipulates her friends into hating me too, it doesn’t hurt as much as it hurts to not be able to hold him close and feel his arms around me. It doesn’t hurt as much as it does to see him with her, instead of with me.
I say I’ve moved on, things seem to be happening with other people in my life who I care a lot about. Want to be with, in fact.
But he’s still there in the back of my mind. Telling me he loves me.
But so is she. Staring. Staring right through me as if I’m the most horrible person she’s ever met in her entire life!
Some girls just don’t know when to let it go.
I’m going to go away and think for a bit. I know I don’t actually need him; there’s far better people out there for me to be even just FRIENDS with. I just need to learn to let it go too. Let him go.
God bless,
Rachel xxx
