rachel's sunshine café :)

I write about you.

rachelssunshinecafe — Tue, 08 Dec 2009 01:43:24 +0000

sunshine;

i don’t remember how it is exactly that we met
probably something stupid on the internet
but ever since i found you
i’ve been counting my lucky stars
there’s too many for me to even count
’cause you can make me feel like
i can be the shiniest star in the sky

i can feel the butterflies in my stomach
all over again
just like yesterday
i can see as bright as day
the stars i could see in your eyes
i can hear as clear as the sea

the laughs that you laughed

the way you smiled
brightened up my day
you made me feel like
sunshine

i don’t quite know how you’ve made me come to this
to find these feelings i never knew i could feel
is it crazy to say all this?
i don’t really know
i don’t really know anything anymore
because i’m all mixed up
with happiness from you

i can feel the smile spreading across my face
all over again
just like the other day
i can remember as clear as anything
everything you said
made me smile again
and over and over and over again

the way you smiled
brightened up my day
you made me feel like
sunshine

it feels like i’m talking crazily
you’d never think of me that way
i’m just a crazy girl
living in my own crazy world
falling for your smile

falling for your smile

the way you smile
brightens up my days
just you saying something
or typing a little smile
makes me smile
just a little bit more
you make me feel like
you make me feel like so many things
but most of all
you make me feel like
sunshine

mmm yeah
sunshine

today i thought about dying.

rachelssunshinecafe — Mon, 26 Oct 2009 00:02:01 +0000

Not in a bad way or anything.

But as I walked through the woods with just my mum, my brother and our dog, I mulled over the concepts of my life when it comes to the time I have to leave this world.

Before I die I want to know that I’ve told the people that really matter that I love them. And I want them to know I mean it with everything that I am. I want to walk through an autumn wood with no one but the love of my life. I want to hear the crunch of the yellow and orange leaves underneath my boots and I want to see the sunshine seeping in through the trees. I want to hear the little birds singing their hearts out and I want to spin around in the trees without a care in the world.

I want to walk along a beach and sink my toes into black sand and I want to hear the ocean sloshing on the beach. I want to find a shell that is so delicate that I don’t want to touch it for fear of breaking it but one that is also large enough so I can put it to my ear and pretend it is the sea I’m hearing; not the blood circulating in my ear. I want to run into the sea with my clothes partially rolled up and get salt grit in my hair.

I want to walk down the streets of New York where nobody knows who I am, but one person out of the blue starts up a conversation with me. And tells me they love my English accent. And takes me for coffee so that we can talk some more.

I want to dance in the snow without a care in the world and feel like the ballerina I always wanted to be.

I want to sing ‘The Best Day’ by Taylor Swift to my mum when she’s feeling horrible and decrepid just to let her know that I love her and she will always be special to me.

I want to play swingball one last time with my brother making pirate noises. And I want to cuddle up on a sofa with him and reminisce about our childhood long into the hours of the morning.

I want to do so many things that the list will go on and on.

And when I die, I want my blood preserved so that it can be used for blood transfusions. I want to donate all my organs to needy patients. And everything else that is in my body that could be useful to someone I want them to take. I want to save people’s lives even when I’m gone. I want to keep on living so that my family cannot grieve fully. Because I will not be dead.

I want to be cremated and I want my ashes thrown out over the sea.

I’d like them thrown out over Beachy Head and a sign left there to stop suiciders and make them really think before they jump off the cliff. I want them to know that even when they feel their lowest that there is always someone there. I want them to find God instead of finding their death.

And I’m not scared of dying.

I know that my God will protect me and lead me on this journey and help me grow and understand and see this beautiful planet that he created.

Through all my wants and needs I don’t want anything as much as I want to put a smile on someone’s face everyday I live on this earth. I want to know that no matter how horrible I’ve felt one day, that I’ve put a ray of sunshine in someone else’s day. No matter how small.

So I leave you with these thoughts. Next time you think that your life isn’t worth living, think again. In the words of Taste, “There is so much more to life than this”.

Goodnight and God bless,

I love you for reading this.

Rachel xxx

neglection.

rachelssunshinecafe — Thu, 22 Oct 2009 00:11:54 +0000

It seems like an age and a half since I actually wrote a properly good length blog. It’s 00:51 right now, let’s hope it doesn’t take an immense amount of time; I could probably do with some sleep.

I’m just not feeling up to the whole concept of ‘bed’ right this moment.

Do you ever get that total feeling of neglection?

(Example A: Me and this wordpress blog)

Sometimes I feel like.

Well, just nothing.

I feel like nothing.
Empty.

It’s a strange feeling; neglection. It’s like you’ve been forgotten; you were clear as crystals and suddenly you’re invisible? What’s happened there then? What happened to make the invisibility takeover? Something you’ve said? Something you’ve done?

Whenever I feel neglected, it’s usually my own fault. I’ve brought something upon myself by having the terrible case of foot-in-mouth disease. Really, it’s terrible. I regret things as soon as I’ve said them.

-Like the other day, for example. One of the boys in the year above me put his facebook status to something like “And I hope I can make you proud, when you look down on me” – I instantly thought either his mum/dad was annoying him, or it was a song. So I ‘wittily’ commented saying I couldn’t look down on him because I was too short. Only when I read the comments that streamed after mine did I realise someone must have died. Woops.

And so, being the loving, gentle soul that I aim to be, I left him a message saying I was sorry for my previous comment, I had no idea what had happened. If he wanted someone to talk to I was there for him.

And then he added me on messenger; I thought i’d be nice and make sure he was okay.

What do I get for it? “I only added you so I could let you know I deleted your comment off my profile because you turned my serious into a mick-take” (He said something ruder but I won’t write that here..) I responded saying “sorry, I had no idea” and then he just told me he “didn’t need my ‘sympathy’” – Whatever. Block. I love the blocking system on msn.

I can stop talking to people that start to really annoy me.
And when I say really annoy me, I mean really, REALLY annoy me.

But that’s enough of a rant for now.

It’s now 01:11. I should go to bed/sleep.

Sweet dreams & God bless,

Rachel xxx

life is like a rollercoaster.

rachelssunshinecafe — Sun, 27 Sep 2009 00:07:17 +0000

Don’t you think, that when you’ve got in from a long hard day at school or work, that all you want to do is flop down on your sofa/bed/floor (whichever takes your fancy) but you find that there is ALWAYS something that needs to be done. Whenever I get home from a good half-hour walk from my school, the majority all alone, I just want to go upstairs and go to sleep. But there is always something I need to do. Tidy my room. Do some homework. Do some coursework. And most of the time none of this is done. Because I go straight to my room regardless of everything I’ve set out to do and just go on my laptop. And do ridiculous stuff. Like Facebook and Messenger. Not that I have anything against these because they are in fact awesome and a great way for me to keep in touch with people without running up the phone bill or running out of credit.

This is our society today. Teenagers driven by social networking sites and alcohol.

Parties for the generation that our parents are from would have been crazy (but clean) music, and there wouldn’t have been much illegal or unadulterated goings on. But today as the time goes on, teenagers are just getting more rebellious – drinking, smoking, illegal sex. And I’m not saying this to get at anyone; I know plenty of my friends do such things. But I’m just putting the question out there: is this the world we should be creating? Our generation is creating the world that our children and our children’s children will be growing up into. Is it really the world we want them to see? A world where animals are dying out as well as cultures throughout the earth? By the time I’m seventy, children aged ten may have never even heard of an elephant.

So I’m just putting it out there; feel free to comment and tell me how you feel. Life is like a rollercoaster; there’s ups and there’s downs. I just don’t want to be someone responsible for bringing everyone else living and yet to live, a horrible world.

Just saying.

God bless and goodnight.

Rachel xxx

cold and lonely.

rachelssunshinecafe — Wed, 23 Sep 2009 20:28:05 +0000

I’m sitting in my room after a good go on The Sims 3 – yes, I really am that cool – and I am absolutely freezing! (Well, not literally. But you know what I mean – I’m really really really REALLY cold.) And ahhhh, let me tell you. Central heating was one of the worst inventions ever. I mean, seriously. It doesn’t work. It is supposedly ‘on’ but there is most definitely no heat entering my room right now. And I have the thickest carpet in the house.

And lately, besides being oh so cold, I’ve just…been feeling so lonely. So so so very lonely indeed. Like, there’s plenty of people around me, I’ve got amazing friends who are always there but I just don’t feel like I’m really with it all the time. I don’t feel complete. I don’t know what’s going on inside me but it just feels like I need someone, and ahhh the one person you need never seems to know that it’s them you need. No matter how much you try and incinuate it in conversation, they never really know. They don’t understand.

Some people, when faced with feelings portrayed so powerfully by someone, can be totally clueless.

Anyway, I think I might go play some more Sims 3 or watch a film..whichever is easier to forget my troubles.

God bless,

Rachel xxx

some girls just can’t let it go…

rachelssunshinecafe — Mon, 21 Sep 2009 15:52:54 +0000

Have you ever come across a time in life where you’ve become such good friends with someone that it doesn’t matter who else likes you as long as they do? But as soon as you two start to drift apart it really hurts when you know there are other people linked in with that person who hate you, and you don’t really understand why?

You see, in my life I’ve made friends with a huge variety of people. I’m friends with people that I wouldn’t have thought it possible to be friends with; girls if I’d just seen out and about I wouldn’t have wanted anything to do with them, but then when I start talking to them and realise they can actually be nice people, it makes me wonder why are we so judgemental?

I have this friend that I got pretty close to for a while, and you know – I called him my best friend but I don’t think we ever really were. Just good friends. I did have ‘more than just friends’ feelings for him and honestly, I believed he felt it too. But you see life is complicated. There are always other people in the way. And he had a girl that he’d been with before; but he realised he didn’t always want her, even though she was pretty much in love with him. She always seemed a little jealous of me but never confronted me in person. She didn’t even speak to me online; she’d send her little hate messages to me through her friends that actually liked me.

I realised over the holidays that no matter how many times my friend told me he loved me or that he wanted to be with me or that he missed me didn’t really matter. It’s not like we’d be together? Especially if the girl had something to do about it. I told him I was over him and I guess he’s happy with her but really. Sometimes when you care about someone so much you just have to learn to let them go. And that’s what I’ve done. That’s what I’m doing.

At least this is what I tell myself.

Because the truth is, no matter how hard or how evilly she stares at me, how much she really hates me and manipulates her friends into hating me too, it doesn’t hurt as much as it hurts to not be able to hold him close and feel his arms around me. It doesn’t hurt as much as it does to see him with her, instead of with me.

I say I’ve moved on, things seem to be happening with other people in my life who I care a lot about. Want to be with, in fact.

But he’s still there in the back of my mind. Telling me he loves me.
But so is she. Staring. Staring right through me as if I’m the most horrible person she’s ever met in her entire life!

Some girls just don’t know when to let it go.

I’m going to go away and think for a bit. I know I don’t actually need him; there’s far better people out there for me to be even just FRIENDS with. I just need to learn to let it go too. Let him go.

God bless,

Rachel xxx

neglection&birthdays.

rachelssunshinecafe — Fri, 18 Sep 2009 21:38:32 +0000

I feel so bad, I haven’t blogged in ages. I just get so caught up in being so sociable that I neglect things like this. Well NO MORE. This is my last post as a fifteen-year-old. Tomorrow, I will be SIXTEEN. Yes, the big one-six. I’m going out with some of my closest girlies for shop-shop-shopping and the wonderful restaurant that is known to the world over as nando’s.

If you want to check out other such ramblings that I’m on about you can always check here: http://rachelssunshinecafe.tumblr.com

And (hopefully this will work) here is a picture I made earlier.

pahahaha.

I make myself laugh.

Goodnight and God bless,

Rachel xxx

a life without music is like me without you.

rachelssunshinecafe — Sun, 13 Sep 2009 18:44:24 +0000

Hey there, faithful readers of this very silly blog.

I’m very sorry that I haven’t blogged in a while, I’ve been slightly distracted. Socialising and school and the like.

Today has been a nice day, I went to church this morning, sang with Gemma, reiterated the fact I’m going to be brave and talk to my headteacher tomorrow (eep!) and been talking to some lovely people.

I’m going to go back to learning the guitar – I’m teaching myself from a chordbook, and it’s quite hard when you have short fingers like me. I’m then going to write some music for my songs and learn my actual songs better.

And then I’m going to write some more, hence the weird title. I think I might write a song with those as lyrics.

And then I’m going to shower and sleep. Really.

And check out http://beccataste.wordpress.com

God bless,

Rachel xxx

writing songs makes me happy.

rachelssunshinecafe — Mon, 07 Sep 2009 20:05:26 +0000

I wonder if anyone on this earth HASN’T heard of the wonderful Taylor Swift; definitely my idol now and possibly the prettiest person alive.

Not only is she beautiful and writes amazing songs, she writes from the heart. Her songs are so personal – like her diary entries.

So I’ve found that writing out how I’m feeling into songs is a great help. It certainly is helping cure my temporary insomnia.

I’m thinking write lyrics; write music; record; send them off to record companies? Future job? Let’s get real. But it’s worth a shot…

God bless everyone, especially Taylor Swift – who I’m going to see in concert.

Rachel xxx

cold things and youtube.

rachelssunshinecafe — Thu, 03 Sep 2009 20:28:59 +0000

Well basically today I have a very cold nose. Not sure why, I’ve been sitting in my room trying to warm it up for the past five hours. Today was the day I would try and get through the mass of history coursework I needed to do; I’ve done just about one of the three epic questions.

But I have in fact uploaded three more songs today on my youtube account, making it a recordbreaking total of six uploads. Please watch, rate + comment them, and show them to your friends! www.youtube.com/rachelssunshinecafe to see them all! Thank you

Being very cold, I am also very jittery. I will leave this blog short and go eat some satsumas. And then I’m going to paint my nails black.

God bless,

Rachel xxx